Amiga Format CD 12

home *** CD-ROM | disk | FTP | other *** search

/ Amiga Format CD 12 / Amiga Format AFCD12 (Apr 1997, Issue 96).iso / -readerstuff- / dan_wood / talks / conference2 < prev next >

Wrap

Text File | 1997-02-14 | 33.7 KB | 1,358 lines

/\/\PAGE/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ This is the regions number one disk mag, and that's official. You're reading Page from the North-East computer group. Now is the time where we get talking. In tonight's conference we have the following line up... There is the acting editor, hey that's me! Nick, and I'm at home using my trusty A1200. We have long time Amiga user Arnie Finen, at work again, but is he working? Who knows? Using his amiga 4000 with a 68060 processor at heart. Also there is Dan's sister Debbie at her house using her souped up A500. Plus this issue we have a special guest. As Dan is away in the Canary islands for 3 weeks we have a friend of mine who is 30 miles away from Teesside, in Northumberland, that is Steve Bradford. He is a 17 year old Media student in the University of Northumbria. As ever, we talk about any thing at all, no holds barred conversation, just like you might hear in your local pub. In mid Saturday afternoon, in February. Right, enough of being serious... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- NICK: Hello everyone, 3 of us are the same as ever, but we have a special guest this issue. Hello Steve. STEVE: hi Nick NICK: A quick intro to recap on the other people who are on-line. First of all we have our ever so regular man (always here) Arnie Finen who does... everything. As Dan is away at the moment you are his stand in (as such), so here is a quick introduction if you please. STEVE: alright. I am Steve Bradford, 17 years old, live in Northumberland. I am currently doing a 2 year course in media at the university. ARNIE: I'm Arnie Finen, long time Amiga user and currently doing a skive job from work, spending this Saturday afternoon typing away to you, I am 23 years young. DEB: my name is Debbie, I am Dan's sister. Still at school, and my brother gave me this 500 in December 1996, I am 15 years old. NICK: Right people. Let's kick off... ****CENSORED/\/\PAGE/\/\CENSORED**** STEVE: Hello Arnie and HELLO Debbie, I`ve met you both a few month ago anyway. ARNIE: Hi mate DEB: hello NICK: What type of Amiga are you running at the moment Steve? STEVE: An A2000 (still) with a 040 accelerator, CD-ROM drive, 10 megs RAM, 500 Meg hard one. NICK: by hard one, I trust you mean hard disk? STEVE: somthing like that yes. How are you Debbie? DEB: Alright. Just recovered from the flu though I caught it off my brother NICK: Lots of things you could catch of your brother DEB: tell me about it ARNIE: You know that Dan has been trying to trace that old Amiga Lorraine thing? NICK: yes ARNIE: well I found a piccy of it on the net today, very strange looking thing. It is in this big blue room on a big tall table, with sings on the wall saying something like "EARTH ONESELF", like a big techno god. NICK: keep that for when he returns. STEVE: You all just sound pissed off that he's soaking up the sun. DEB: we got a postcard yesterday morning. NICK: WOW! You got a postcard that arrived back before he did. Some record, surely? ARNIE: Don't call me shurley! NICK: I wasn't, I was talking to Deb DEB: do you want to hear what was on it? NICK: go on then. DEB: okay he actually sends four cards one for each of the family, why he didnt just send one? Any way it it says (exact copy) Deb, having a cool time, night life is brilliant. Beaches?! Never seen them so good. I'm should say wish you were here, but if I did I would be a liar! Look after the dog (please), bet you're sick as hell in the good old rainy U of K, still... never mind! I'm going back to the beach for half an hour to have a rest in the sea, as long as I don't get any gold fish swimming past my legs this time (slimy sods). See you soon, but remember I still OWE YOU!!! Dan STEVE: Why does he owe you? NICK: Ha ha! I know why. DEB: i might say a bit later NICK: Is in the thing to do with your mates a few months ago? DEB: yes ARNIE: speaking of our ed, a big box arrived at his house today. After opening it (he won't care), I found a big wod of 2 years worth of Amiga Shoppers that he missed! NICK: so he has every issue now? ARNIE: yes, should take him a good 6 months to get through 24 issues. NICK: he'll have to learn how to read first. DEB: i know ARNIE: a bit below the belt that one. NICK: sorry. ARNIE: What's light and hard?! NICK: don't think of it, I know the rules as well as Dan does, and my finger is poised on the capture delay button. ARNIE: damn. STEVE: How does a text delay work anyhows? NICK: Easy. on my screen there are two windows, on which is a LIVE window of what you are all typing at this exact moment, and the bottom window is a DELAY window which is 10 words behind, the DELAY window is what is being saved on the hard disk at this moment in time, so I can quickly chop a bit out and replace it with either blank spaces (when the button doesn`t work properly), or prefereably with some catch up text, which is this: ****CENSORED/\/\PAGE/\/\CENSORED****, but I didn`t take anything out then. STEVE: interesting. Deb, how tall are you? DEB: I am bad with heights about average for my age. STEVE: so you`re about average for your age? DEB: yes. STEVE: good. One thing I do notice about this mag is that we never get a discription of Dan, so can some one do that? I haven't seen old Danny boy for a good few months, I need reminding :-) ARNIE: I`ll do it. He is about 5.10 in height, black hair, parting to the left, always combed, and sometimes gelled (I bet), dark brown eyes, average build. And he's gonna be tanned when he comes back from hols. NICK: sounds about right. What about you Arnie, tell the people what you look like, or I will. ARNIE: Alright. I am about 6 foot NICK: 6 foot! ARNIE: Well maybe not. Blonde hair, short cut, muscles everywhere NICK: ha ha! ARNIE:, no about average build me thinks, maybe a bit above (cough cough), glowing (!!) green eyes. Your turn nick. NICK: alright, very short brown hair, glasses for reading, quite fat ARNIE: NO, VERY fat. NICK: get lost. Erm, about 5.6 , and have brown eyes. ARNIE: What about your weight? NICK not saying STEVE: hmmmnnn..... NICK: Well I eat more or something like that. No Arnie's line, it's all muscle. ARNIE: if it is then you are the strongest man in the universe. NICK: ahhhh, get stuffed STEVE: my turn, I`ve got gingery browny hair, shortish cut, hazel eyes, a few freckles, slim, and height is about 5.6 in height. NICK: even though Deb has already done a bit, do it all again. DEB: alright. Blond hair, about half way down my back and its wavy, blue eyes etc. NICK: good. ARNIE: its very strange how your brother is a very darkish person, as black hair and deep brown eyes, and your very fair, as in blonde and blue. DEB: every one says that. But my other brother has a mix moussey hair and blue eyes. My mum has blonde hair and brown eyes but my dad is blonde and brown eyes! ARNIE: I know. NICK: I've got one of my aunties in the area at the moment, money on her coming to visit me. DEB: I have an aunty who is really annoying she does it by acident though. NICK: Not as bad as mine, she STILL licks her hanky and wipes me face! ARNIE: URRRGGGHH!! GROSS STEVE: I would lick your face NICK: ooops, what was that Steve? STEVE: SHIT! I though Deb said that. DEB: thanks NICK: Red faced now Steve? STEVE: Redder than a baboons bum ARNIE: Your aunty like that deb? DEB: not that bad. Everytime she sees me she says "havent you grown, how old are you now? hows school?" and all the usual stuff. it wouldnt be so bad if she didnt do it in front of my friends. NICK: nasty STEVE: But you always bear with them dont you? DEB: yes STEVE: I'll agree with her though, you are a bit of a looker. NICK: You flirty sod DEB: I didnt say anything ARNIE: What's this 'looker', I have never heard that before. STEVE: you've never heard looker before? ARNIE: no STEVE: I mean Debbie is one sexy girl. ARNIE: I gathered that. DEB: thank you. NICK: I bet your head wont fit out the door now DEB: i know STEVE: I'm not the first to say that am I? DEB: no STEVE: I keep on asking her out but you never say yes. DEB: Sorry STEVE: She just laughs at me! DEB: i dont like being asked straight out STEVE: But seriously Deb you are a babe DEB: okay. ARNIE: Nick -> is the text delay working? NICK: yes, the light is on ARNIE: ok, what's light and hard. Let me tell Steve!! PPPLLEEAAASSSEEE! NICK: go on then, but in less than 8 words, no make it seven. ARNIE: great, here we go, hit the button now! A w****CENSORED/\/\PAGE/\/\CENSORED* s. STEVE: very good NICK: I've just checked that, and the delay text works for me, and it's the same serial port fire-wall that Dan uses, and it always leaves gaps for him. He blamed me for not setting it up right, but it worked for me. ARNIE: It did miss off the last 3 *s. NICK: did it? Oh yes. Maybe I'll get another one for the next issue. ARNIE: you do that. Try cutting live, and then going back in. NICK: should I? ARNIE: yes, but press the yellow reset button first. NICK: Wait there, people you will loose a bit of the conversation in a sec, OK, so yellow, done, right let's come out of the delay, ww will c stem now. Right, were live now. ARNIE: what's light and hard? NICK: don't you dare! Right I've reset it, and now i'll go back in to t NSORED/\/\PAGE/\/\CENSORED**** he delay now. ARNIE: did it work? NICK: wait a sec till it comes on my screen. Well it missed the CEN off, but never mind. ARNIE: Nearly worked. NICK: It has been very well used, and it is about 12 years old. You should see it, it used to be white, but it is a sort of brown colour now! STEVE: never seen one of them NICK: A small box with three buttons on and some driver software, it plugs into the serial port and has a serial through port on the back. ARNIE: I used to have one. NICK: Deb, tell Steve about your friend of who likes Dan DEB: you mean Natalie? She thinks hes great. He gets in a huff if you bring it up though. NICK: well he's having a 3 week cruise around the carribean at the moment, so tell us what happened on the Sunday morning. DEB: I cant NICK: Don't keep it close to your chest, tell all. DEB: no, because he'll read this when he gets back. STEVE: I wouldnENSORED/\/\PAGE/\/\CENSORED**** ie. NICK: dont STEVE: only joking. NICK: That went out STEVE: You took that out?!!!! NICK: it was distasteful. At least you fixed the machine. I think people could have grasped what you said any way. ARNIE: Nicholas. NICK: yes ARNIE: About time you put them on. NICK: Padon? ARNIE: Nicholas, nickerless. Geddit? NICK: I've never heard that before (sarcastic). ARNIE: You should lose some weight first before going nickerless, not a pretty sight. NICK: Alright then, I'll skip breakfast DEB: actually your more likely to lose weight if you eat breakfast NICK: am I? DEB: Yes, it builds up the metabolism. NICK: Alright. DEB: skip lunch instead. NICK: no I love me lunch STEVE: WE KNOW! And your tea, supper and in between 'snacks'. NICK: so Deb, what's this Natalie like, do you like her? DEB: she's one of my friends so I do like her. NICK: I mean you know, is she ugly? DEB: No, far from it. She is very good looking actually NICK: Then whats Dan waiting for? DEB: she is only 16, he wouldn't. NICK: I know he is 27 after all. DEB: He's not! He's younger than that, about 7. NICK: I know, I was joking. He doesn't tell the readers his age. He doesn't tell people just to annoy them. DEB: i know but I tell them he is 20 STEVE: give that Natalie my address. NICK: You're just a slapper you are Steve STEVE: heh heh! DEB: You want me to give her your address? STEVE: yes, then both of you can come around here. DEB: both of us? STEVE: Certainly, couldn't have one with out the other. NICK: No, only 1 at a time, where are your morals? STEVE: Well I have seen Debbie, but not that Natalie yet, so Debbie can come around here instead. DEB: she will feel left out NICK: Steve has always been a flirty sod. STEVE: No, only on the really nice ones (smile). NICK: Well the thing is you always sit there eyeing them up. And saying the nice things. Mr nice guy STEVE: But it works! NICK: I know, you have 'em all around you. STEVE: See. Manners and niceness are my killer thing. NICK: Dan does the opposite, tells them to sod off and he still gets them. ARNIE: Never works for me. Ahem. NICK: Speaking of such things, I heard what happened when you dropped those CD32 games off that Sunday morning at Dan's house Deb (ha ha!). DEB: you want me to tell the story dont you? NICK: he didn't seem pleased with it. DEB: I know, he says I can only come around by my self now. NICK: Are you gonna tell the people what happened? DEB: I dont know, should I? NICK: Go on then DEB: alright but if any one gets in trouble then its you, as it was your idea okay? NICK: Sure (gulp!) DEB: in the last talk we had Dan told me to drop some CD32 games off on the next Sunday morning. So I did and I brought about five of my friends with me and I got there at about 11 in the morning Dan had been out till 5 AM so he was very tired. He let us all in and he went on the couch and fell asleep. NICK: the fool! DEB: I know. So all of my friends thought it would be very funny to go and put lipstick marks on his face. ARNIE: You mean drawing things with it? NICK: No! They all kissed him (strange)! DEB: Im laughing even thinking about it. Anyway when he woke up he went around the rest of the day with it all over his face and he wondered why people laughed at him all day. I kept away from him all day incase he went mad which he did. STEVE: lucky bastard ARNIE: hee, ^ ha ha. take it you didn't kiss him Deb? DEB: NO! STEVE: saving it for me arent you? DEB: some thing like that STEVE: I wish, well I do, how do you make wishes come true? NICK: Knock your teeth out and then the tooth fairy will give you a wish. STEVE: No, you get money not wishes! ARNIE: drop money in a wishing well. DEB: well I havent seen you for months STEVE: Typical girl, you don't see me for a few weeks and you forget all about me! DEB: I am forgetting what you look like STEVE: Looks aren't everything. NICK: Good job in your case. ARNIE: Steve, you know Dan quite well, so you haven't really got to know Deb that well, you just talk to her now and then when she is with Dan, so is that going on looks? STEVE: Well...... yeah, but still, alright looks are important. I've known Deb for a few years, since she was 13. DEB: first impression. STEVE: I was well impressed, so what do you say? We will have to get together some time then won't we? DEB: who knows? STEVE: And bring your five friends, and I'll fall asleep. DEB: I will. STEVE: wicked! NICK: Alright you two, enough of this, its boring the rest of us. STEVE: There's only two of you. NICK: well I'm fat aren't I, so I count as more than one. STEVE: sure mate ARNIE: Heard about the cat man today? NICK: yes, and dont say it here ARNIE: All I was goingown the walls! NICK: eeehh. ARNIE: Why did you do that for?! That was OK NICK: You knew I took it out didn't you? ARNIE: You can see the feed back when you do that, everyone freezes while you press the button, for a second or so. NICK: Alright, dont bring it up. ****CENSORED/\/\PAGE/\/\CENSORED**** ARNIE: Alrightie then. Heard about lottery money going to prostitutes? NICK: Yes, male and female prostitutes. ARNIE: Yes STEVE: Rent boys? NICK: Included I bet, but the story was about male prostitutes who are for women. STEVE: fine. Here I've got a funny story about versity with me NICK: Don't give names ****CENSORED/\/\PAGE/\/\CENSORED****, go on.. STEVE: Right, but it is well known, any way he knedra was his NICK: No names, could be libe ****CENS ED/\/\PAGE/\/\CENSO* l, we're back in now. STEVE: Right. Well he went to her house, a certain boy who hasream NICK: *CENSORED/\/GE/\SORED*** Never mind, forget it, to dangerous. I've been in and out of this machine more times, than a.... frisky dog and his masters leg. ARNIE: Take the disk out and re-insert it. NICK: I've just done it, may be fixed now. ARNIE: Hope I've won something on the lottery again this week. NICK: Ive never won a bean. ARNIE: I won £70 last week, and that's the 5th time I've won that much, I got 4 numbers. NICK: Give me your numbers next week, ARNIE: No, I might win the jackpot. NICK: Here's hoping. Ive been a friend of yours for years. Alright people we'll all take a break now, OK? STEVE: Sure, how long? NICK: Depends, oh the break!? Erm, about 5 minye for now! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ NICK: 5 Mins passed, are we all back yet? STEVE: yes DEB: I'm back NICK: What about Arnie? NICK: Arnie always said "I'll be back!", where is he?! ARNIE: I am here. Dont worry. NICK: Then we will get back in to it! ****CENSORED/\/\PAGE/\/\CENSORED**** Go on then. ARNIE: What ever happened to the Walker Amiga? NICK: The project was scrapped. ARNIE: Thats sad, it looked damn good! My monitor is going very wrong, I keep getting double vision! NICK: It will be all that beer. ARNIE: I found an old copy of Amiga Shopper today in my wardrobe. NICK: What date? ARNIE: June 1991, Issue 2, still in mint condition. STEVE: Tell me some of the things in in. My earliest issue was number 26. ARNIE: Alright, the contents page has: Art on Trial - 2D paint programs Questionnaire Programming Languages REVIEWS Pagestream 2 Colour pic Scala (a look at this exciting new presentation program) Broadcast Titler KCS Powerboard PC Emulator Sequencer One Thinker Zy-Fi Speakers Truemouse REGULARS News Letters DTP Comms Grpahics AMOS Video - Scala and Broadcast Titler 2 put through their paces Business Music Education Reader Ads Buyer's Guide Buyer's Advice Subcriptions TUTORIALS Assembly Language AmigaDOS PD WORLD NICK: Interesting, nearly all of the reviewed programs have been given away on magazine coverdisks by now. NICK: Give us a quick outline of the news features. ARNIE: Hang on then, Wordworth about to be released (number 1), price is 129.95! New mouse and joystick switcher, new A500 RAM expansions, an advert for another Amiga user group, can I say its name? NICK: rather you didnt ARNIE: Alright, ermm, Bras and Pipes Pro, CDTV HAILED AS THE C64 OF THE NINETIES (how many times have computers been referred to as that?) hang on. ........,.,.,...,..,,...,.,,,.,., right, just looking trough it, OctaMED is released (V1.0), report on Newyork Amiga show, and a report in there of a prototype of the Amiga 500 CDTV drive, was that eventually called the A590? NICK: I think so, no that was the hard disk. A690 I think. DEB: mine says A570 on it and did you mean to type Bras and pipes? NICK: Oh, they must have renamed it. ARNIE: No I didnt! I meant Bars, typo, sorry! Guess the page count. STEVE: You say I've got it on the mind! The pages? A few hundred? ARNIE: 123 pages STEVE: IS THERE ANY COLOUR, sorry for CAPS LOCK. ARNIE: only in the ADVERTS!!!! STEVE: alright ARNIE: I'm looking on TELETEXT!!!! now and have seen a really wierd page which I never knew existed, on page 147 Ch4. NICK: I'll have a look, 147, wait on... STEVE: What is it? ARNIE: Hang on. STEVE: I am hanging (woof) ARNIE: Very funny NICK: Mates? STEVE: What? NICK: No, that is the Page (147) Mates, TText penpals. DEB: seen it NICK: So it is a TText page for 13+ year olds where they can request penpals, Arnie you like typing, type a few. ARNIE: There are only two pages, I'll pause one. Here is the first one: Hello boys, two 14 year old girls looking for male penpals 14-17 for laughs, writing, and letters about anything at all. Like chart and dance music, like SPICE GIRLS, BOY ZONE, and ANT & DEC. Get writing, photo if poss. That's the first one. NICK: I wonder if these people ever get any response. ARNIE: You usually only get girls writing, in the past three weeks there has only been about 3 boys writing in. NICK: So you look at it every week (sad) , how often is it updated? ARNIE: Every day I think. But I doubt they get any reponses. NICK: I know, should tell them about Dan, he gets the young ones after him. DEB: *lol* Natalie you mean? NICK: Yes, and your mates when he fell asleep, which you told us about before, it really pisses him off you know. DEB: I know. Right I've decided, in the next conference we have I'll get natalie to be here when we do it. ARNIE: Good, should shut him up a bit. NICK: We know that. That's Dan's problem you see, the teenagers all like him and won't leave him alone, but women he likes always keep away from him. ARNIE: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! NICK: I shouldn't say that, thats not strictly true (but most of the women h likes he never gets near them). DEB: You are right though VERY true it was so funny, I still laugh when I think about him walking around with all that lipstick on his face NICK: You should have took a video, brilliant for Beadle's About. ARNIE: You've Been Framed is the home video thing. NICK: Alright then, You've Been Framed then. STEVE: }=+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++}}}}}}}}}}}}} What do you reckon of that? NICK: very nice. ARNIE: What made them think of doing that? DEB: they thought it would be funny ARNIE: Well tell them it was a good one. DEB: I will i think they quite enjoyed it as well! NICK: I think I've got a prostitute living next door to me you know! ARNIE: Good service. NICK: seriously, I've just moved flat and I see this woman coming back at the same time every night, with different fellas, and different cars pull up. ARNIE: How do you know she is, any proof? If you know then report it. NICK: I think I can tell (99% certain), you should see, she comes back with a different man every night. ARNIE: Well, I know a few women like that but they are just, erm, very much, erm, just like a lot of shag. NICK: You can tell by the cars, and the clothes she wears going out. ARNIE: Well, phone the housing association and tell them what you know. NICK: I will. DEB: have you asked her? NICK: No, I don't talk to her. DEB: some of them are very open about it you know. NICK: she's not the type of person I really want to talk to you know. DEB: Okay. STEVE: Deb, do you still go on the internet chat pages? DEB: not anymore. STEVE: OK, but the names people use on there, why not just use your real name? DEB: They spice your name up a bit STEVE: Oh yeah?! DEB: coming on with the name Debbie is alright but a bit boring. STEVE: I don't know, I like Debbie. ARNIE: What do you mean, the name or her? STEVE: Ha! Both! DEB: Debbie is not a bad name i suppose ARNIE: Your mams name starts with 'D' doesn't it? DEB: Yes. ARNIE: So your mam, you and Dan all have names starting with 'D', and your other brother and your dad have names starting with 'M'? DEB: yes. STEVE: So how many kids did your parents have? DEB: just me and the two boys STEVE: right, are you the youngest? DEB: yes ARNIE: The big debate on the 'net is still the guns banning. NICK: There is really no point in guns. STEVE: What about people who have them as hobbies, like for hunting. DEB: but why do they want to kill animals. STEVE: To eat them DEB: seriously very few people will eat them. They just kill them STEVE: people always use what happened at Dunblaine, that was a one off. DEB: i know but it could happen at any time. STEVE: I love it when girls get all clever. Deb is a babe! NICK: don't get fresh DEB: you like me then? STEVE: With out a doubt, you're blonde with blue eyes. What more do you need?!!!! ARNIE: Well.... STEVE: Alright there are more stuff, but blonde hair blue eyes is a good start. DEB: If my mother could hear you know. STEVE: I know, I'd be even more worried if MY mother could hear me now. ARNIE: SLAP! STEVE: exactly. Not fake blone is it Deb? DEB: NO! i gone off you now. STEVE: Only kidding. ;-) ARNIE: Listen to them two, all we need is for me and Nick to start flirting then we're set. NICK: I'd rather not. ARNIE: same here. NICK: You like Queen though don't ya? ARNIE: Well yes. NICK: You know all the words to their last song, type them. ARNIE: Alright, you don't fool me, you don't fool me... dah, da da da dah da, da da dah Da da dah You dont fool me - those pretty eyes That sexy smile - you don't fool me You dont rule me - you're no surprise You're telling lies - you don't fool me Mmm, mama said be careful of that girl Mama said you know that she's no good Mam said be cool, don't you be no fool Yup bup ba ba ba ba da da da dah! You don't fool me, You don't fool me, you don't fool me She'll take you, You don't fool me, and break you you don't rule me, you don't fool me, you don't fool me, she'll take you you don't fool me, and break you Sooner or later you'll be playing by her rules, Baby you don't fool me, yeah you don't fool me, you don't have to say 'don't mind'... etc. NICK: well done. ARNIE: As I look on the net on this PC (boo) next to me, there's a big conference about the north-south divide. NICK: that old chestnut. ARNIE: Well I'm a southern man, but I moved up here and LOVE it. I'd never go back. NICK: There is a different atmosphere here. I have been to london and to tell the truth, I hate the place. I live in Stockton and it is a great town, so are all the surrounding towns, Darlo, Boro, Newcastle etc. ARNIE: The only annoying thing is when my family come here and kids take the piss out of the accent, try to do a corny cockney accent. DEB: i know making fun of peoples accents is stupid, but I would burst out laughing if I went to London and some one came up to me and said "awwight! A pint 'a fizzy, apples and pears!". NICK: Hah hah! DEB: some of them still do ARNIE: But the same can be said about other towns, even pretty local ones. In Newcastle the geordies have me puzzled, it might be only 25 miles away, but I remember once spending 5 minutes in a shop, and I still, to this day don't know how much the goods were. Geordie accents can be a right pain to understand. NICK: Going even further north, what about Scots accents. ARNIE: Not so bad to understand normally, but when they are drunk... forget it! NICK: But when you go out of the area. I went to the South West a few months ago, and I hate being called a geordie. STEVE: I know, any where north of Nottingham and you're a geordie according to people out of the area. DEB: As you come down the coast from Newcastle, the accent becomes much more English. In this area the English is a lot more like the proper English language than Newcastle. NICK: I know, we don't sound at all like geordies down here. ARNIE: I'll agree, this areas accent has got to be one of the easiest accents to understand in the country. Much more English than places like, Liverpool,Birmingham, London, and the castle. This area doesn't have an accent as such, it's very plain. NICK: I know. The thing that really bugs me though, is these dick heads who think that in the north, we still go around with the old hay in the mouth, and whippets and cobbled streets etc. I like some of them to think that, saves them all knowing. If most of them found out what is was really like in this area then there would be a massive population drop in London as everyone would be coming up here. ARNIE: Every one I know who has visited this area has been really impressed. The brilliant thing about Teesside is, you can drive a few miles west and be in the middle of the country side, a few miles east and you're at the coast, a few miles north and you're right in the middle of a massive city, and a few miles south and you're on the moors. Brilliant, right in the centre here. ARNIE: Changing the subject completely, Silence of the Lambs is on cable tonight. NICK: I like that film. DEB: I dont I hate it I watched about 20 minutes and i got bored NICK: You are bored of that?! Well tastes vary. ARNIE: Seen the new start treck movie? NICK: No, you're a trekkie aren't you? ARNIE: It's good. NICK: I hate all of the series on TV, I don't like any of the next generation, I don't like the latest films, the only films I like are the old films with the original cast. DEB: I cant stand any of them either NICK: You're not easily pleased are you? DEB: you just picked two films I dont like. ARNIE: Deb , you need to go to the cinema and see the films, in surround sound and all that. DEB: we have surround sound. ARNIE: Oh well, rent the video and you'll like it. DEB: no thanks STEVE: Sorry, I was just having a doodle in Dpaint, isn't multitasking brilliant? DEB: just had my mock gcse exams a week ago. STEVE: Did you do well? DEB: I hope so. STEVE: Left it late this year, I had mine in November 1994, and you had it in February? DEB: yes. ARNIE: Another quick subject change. I'm thinking of getting a tatoo you know. NICK: WHY?! ARNIE: Only a little one, on my shoulder. DEB: My brother Mitch has got a small tatoo so has a friend of mine, but she has one on her back. STEVE: How big? DEB: must be about 6x6 CM, and when we go swimming it is visible on her back and sometimes they dont let her in! STEVE: Should wear a one pice swim suit then. DEB: She sometimes does I think but there is a lot of people hate tatoos I wouldnt have one ARNIE: I don't know. If I do then it will be a little secret one, not in a visible place. On my shoulder will do fine. NICK: What of? ARNIE: Haven't decided. Heard the joke about the man who had a tatoo on his penis? NICK: No. ARNIE: Oh good. Don't worry about taking this out, it's OK, right. A man and his girlfriend go into a tatoo parlour and she wants him to get her name tatooed on his penis, ok. So her name is Mandy, so he has it tatood on, when he is in a normal state (if you know what I mean), the tatoo says MDY, and in other cases it will say her full name. NICK: Right ARNIE: Ok, one day they go on holiday, and the man is in the toilets and there is a jamacan man next to him. And he has a look over, as you do, and he has a tatoo on his penis which says WNY, so the man thinks "he must have a girl friend called Wendy". So he asks the Jamacan man if he does have WENDY tatooed on him, so the Jamacan man says to him "No man, my tatoo says WELCOME TO JAMACA MAN, HOPE YOU HAVE A NICE DAY!". STEVE: Yes, heard before, an oldie but a goodie DEB: heard that as well NICK: I'll tell that on Monday night. STEVE: I got a cool board game this week, I can't remember what it is called, but you have to make words with playdough, bloody good fun. NICK: I've heard of it. STEVE: Wait a sec, SPICE GIRLS are on the box, must take a pause. DEB: Dan interviewed them and talked after with one of them. STEVE: Nice one! Who did he talk to? DEB: On the radio he talked to them all then after the show he talked to, erm, I don't know her name, but the blonde one with the pig tails. STEVE: Lucky b...ugger. If he ever meets her again, he HAS to give me a call first. DEB: My friends dont believe him but i know he did STEVE: Some guys get all the luck DEB: so you like the Spice Girls now? STEVE: Oh, but not as much as you of course. NICK: What a puff! STEVE: heh heh. Nick, don't be fat. NICK: I'm not fat! ARNIE: You are~ NICK: Alright, I am a bit, you needen't talk Arnie, you've put weight on in the last few month. ARNIE: I haven't! I can still fit my hand down my trousers. NICK: OH YEAH! ARNIE: Should I want to of course, not that I do. STEVE: I've got a joke for you all, Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? NI ARNIE: why? CK: why? STEVE: Both type at once and it gets confused! NICK: Right, whats the punch line? STEVE: Because it was dead. NICK: not funny STEVE: If I said that I didn't want you to save this on disk, could you still do it? NICK: No, if you said that you didn't want something saved on disk and spread around then it would be against the law for me to do it. STEVE: ok. NICK: why? STEVE: Nothing, I was just wonering. NICK: right STEVE: heard that pammie anderson has left bay watch? NICK: That's old news. She decided to leave last Xmas. DEB: I think she goes a bit too far ARNIE: She has gone a bit overboard. DEB: i dont what the fuss is STEVE: Well it's just below her chin, and above her stomach. ARNIE: HA HA HA HA! DEB: I know someone who tries to be like her. STEVE: A friend of yours? DEB: not a friend some one at school I don't know her really very well. STEVE: how does she try to be like her? DEB: She bleached her hair blonde, the way she walks, she wears wonder bras, and she always puts loads of lip stick. STEVE: Wehey! ARNIE: She sounds a scary sight. STEVE: Depends on your tastes. NICK: I knew you'd be impressed. STEVE: Whens your birthday Deb? DEB: August 10 STEVE: I'l join you, we can pig out. DEB: might put weight on. STEVE: Typical girl, ALWAYS on about the bloody weight. DEB: i don't want to get fat. STEVE: You're not DEB: i know STEVE: Listen, if I could choose a body i would have yours. DEB: You cant I need it. STEVE: Good point, got any one with you? DEB: no, theres no special guest here today. STEVE: what about me?! DEB: I mean in this room. STEVE: I can change that if you want. NICK: What a great hour it's been, but we have to draw to a close now. ARNIE: that means I have to do some work! NICK: Sorry. STEVE: Oh, that's it? NICK: Yes, but I'm sure you'll join us again soon. STEVE: If Debbie is there I will. DEB: take care Steve. STEVE: give us a snog DEB: how do I type that? STEVE: Like this <<SMACK>> DEB: <<SMACK>> STEVE: OUCH! Heh heh. Bye baby. DEB: bye NICK: Bye Arnie. ARNIE: Bye everyone. NICK: Bye Debbie DEB: see you nick. NICK: Thanks for joining us Steve STEVE: No probs. By Arnie, Nick and BYE (sob) Debbie DEB: You'll be back. STEVE: I know. NICK: Alright, I'm cutting you all off now. ARNIE: BYE! STEVE: see ya! NICK: There we go, another one finished. Dan's back next issue, and maybe we can have Steve back soon. I'm going now to take the dog out. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----PAGE